How to Get Unstuck And Take Action
I Couldn't Get Started
Taxes were due on April 15th. It was now September 20th. I had filed an extension...but if I waited much longer, I'd need to file one again, and who knows how much interest the IRS would charge me?
But every time I decided that "today's the day," something came up. First, it was work. I just had too much to do. Then, it was the weekend, and I really needed a break, or I needed to bring my kids somewhere, or to do the shopping, or to get a haircut, or...
The excuses kept piling up, until it was obvious they weren't real excuses anymore. I would just do "this one other task" first, or, read "just one more" news article. Suddenly, it was the perfect time to sort the laundry and start a load...
...which was funny, because laundry was the other thing I could never get started on.
Clothes would pile up until I was down to one final pair of socks. I could either go to the store and buy more to stuff into my already-filled-to-capacity drawer...or I needed to throw a load in already!
What was going on?
Why Our Minds Stop Us From Moving Forward
Most people can relate to having some task or project that they just can't get started on. It might be a financial task, a project at home, a sales call, a work assignment, or just about anything they really need, and want to do - but keep procrastinating on.
Why does this happen?
It has do to with anxiety, which is what we feel when we imagine terrible things happening in the future. For example, I recently met with a client who kept procrastinating on sending out emails to promote his marketing agency.
What was the problem?
He was afraid of success. It sounds strange, but it made sense. When he thought about sending emails, his mind jumped ahead to the moment when the prospect would agree to his services...
...and right to the point where he couldn't fulfill on what he promised them.
So instead of making strides and moving his business forward, he remained stuck, never even reaching out.
Why does our mind do this? Why do we so often jump to the worst-case scenario?
It has to do with survival. Ever since birth, our minds have been busy working to help us survive. In the beginning we looked at our caretaker's behavior and reached certain conclusions about what it takes to stay alive.
Those conclusions became our beliefs about ourselves and about life.
Later, our minds continued to create meaning when something happened. We kept asking, "WHY?"
Why is mom angry? I must have done something wrong.
Why can't I do what dad expects me to do? There must be something wrong with me.
Why is my brother getting more attention than I am? I must not be important.
Why are my parents upset about the spilled milk? Mistakes must be bad.
Once we created these beliefs, we started to see the world through them. We looked for ways to be okay, to be good enough, to be important, to be loved.
We noticed that when we brought home an 'A' on our report card, mom would be proud and happy, so we concluded that the way to be good enough is to work hard."
Or we got more attention from dad when we played a sport, and we concluded that "what makes me important is scoring a goal."
When new situations would arise, we'd see them through these beliefs. If we didn't do so well during a game, we'd feel anxious about dad's reaction. If we spilled juice, we'd immediately feel afraid of mom's yelling, before it ever happened - and even if she wasn't around!
Eventually, that 'A' turned into staying at work late to impress the boss, and that goal became "closing that client." And when it felt like something we wanted or needed to do wouldn't result in success, we'd shy away from it to avoid feeling bad about ourselves.
That very human habit of meaning-making stayed with us for our entire lives -
until today.
Now, in just about every situation, your mind is busy making meaning. It's why you get angry with your partner when they do something in a particular way or say something. Why you feel embarrassed when you think about something you did 5 years ago.
And it's why you get stuck procrastinating and find yourself unable to move forward and complete that task you've been wanting to complete.
So, how do you get un-stuck?
How I Got Un-Stuck With A Simple Visual Trick
I eventually got my taxes done, along with my laundry by using one simple visual trick.
I thought about the very first step I needed to take, which was to log into my tax software and enter in my income from the previous year.
When I imagined doing that, I immediately felt anxiety that made me want to do anything but that. I asked myself what meaning I was giving this task, and noticed my mind was saying, "I won't be able to find all the documentation."
I came up with some other possibilities someone else's mind could have thought up. If it was possible that I wouldn't find all the documentation, wasn't it also possible that I would find all the documentation I needed?
Was it also possible that I could ask my wife to help me find the documentation, and she'd have what I was missing?
And wasn't everything available online anyway, or somewhere in my email where I could search for it and find it?
Of course, it was also possible that I'd never find the paperwork I needed, and that I'd simply have to skip that deduction. Oh, well! It certainly wouldn't be the end of the world. And it was better than waiting even longer and watching what I owed to the IRS go up, and up, and up...
After going through a few different potential future situations, I looked again at that first step I needed to take. Then, I noticed that what my mind had said about it - the meaning it came up with, that I wouldn't find all the documentation I needed, was something separate from the event. It was never part of the event.
And like that, the anxiety lifted, and I was able to get started.
What I did is a very simple process that anyone can use to dissolve meanings along with the emotions they create, and get into action.
And here's how to do it:
Step-by-Step How to Get Unstuck (And Take Action)
Start by writing down the task you want to accomplish, along with the very first step you'll need to take.
For example:
Task: Laundry
First step: bring all the laundry to one location for sorting
Next, imagine taking that first step and see what yucky feeling comes up.
Example:
Feeling: Ugh. Anxiety.
Ask yourself, "What meaning has my mind given this task that's causing this feeling?"
Example:
Meaning: I'm never gonna be able to finish!
Now, come up with a few other possible meanings.
Example:
Possibilities:
1: I'll certainly never finish if I don't get started!
2: A wealthy person wouldn't worry about this...they'd just have their maid do it.
3: Not only am I never going to finish...but my home will pile up with laundry so bad that I'll end up on an episode of "Hoarders" and parents everywhere will use me as an example to scare their kids into cleaning their rooms.
4: I will finish.
After coming up with 3-4 possibilities (or more, if needed), again imagine that first step you need to take to accomplish your task.
Notice that the task, and what your mind said on top of it, are two separate things. If you're more visual, you can see that the task is out there in the world, while the meaning is in your head.
Once you're able to see this, see if you can take that first step!
If you'd like a video to walk you through this process, check out HOW TO DISSOLVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS IN SECONDS where I show you how to instantly dissolve meanings that cause you to feel anxiety, frustration, hurt, guilt or shame.
And if you'd like to eliminate those pesky beliefs that are causing you to feel and behave in ways that no longer serve you, reach out to me here.
