What if I could make you feel good about yourself?

My wife’s been preparing for a big interview over the last few weeks. As part of the process, I’ve helped her in a variety of ways – reviewing her resume, giving her ideas for the presentation she’s prepared…

But most importantly, helping her understand what’s AMAZING about her.

My wife is one of the most empathetic people I know, and it’s quite obvious that she does what she does for the good of others. That this rather basic fact drives her and everything she does.

Just like anyone, she’s had plenty of “I’m not good enough” moments. We’ve had the “impostor syndrome” conversation, as well as other conversations where I’ve helped her understand how much she has to offer.

I tend to see things in a very positive light. I see the good in people, and most importantly, I see the possibilities in them.

But helping Donna see her strength – her driving force (empathy) led me on another path. One where I flailed around internally and thought, “so what the fuck is MY driving force? What is MY why?”

And I couldn’t help but think that if only I could figure this elusive thing out…I would have all the success I ever wanted.

Then I got to thinking about how I make people feel. A few weeks ago, a former employee of mine reached out to me out of the blue and told me she owes me her success. She sent me a recording of her making a proposal – one she won – for a new employment opportunity.

And as I listened, my first thought was, “I know nothing about this stuff she’s discussing. I don’t think I taught her ANY of this.”

And then I realized that it wasn’t the technical knowledge she was talking about. She was talking about how I made her feel. I made her feel capable (because obviously she was). And that feeling carried her through what she needed to do to reach her goals.

So in all my internal flailing about, I had an inkling of a thought – what if…

What if I could make people feel capable? Make them feel good about themselves? Give them the motivational/internal energy to do something amazing?

I thought about doing it in video format. Creating a “vlog” on YouTube. But the truth is, as much as I don’t mind doing videos (and I’ve done plenty in my time), I just don’t fucking feel like doing all the editing involved.

Then I considered offering “feel-good” calls with me. 15 minutes and you’re guaranteed to feel just a bit better about yourself…or your money back.

But I hate being on the phone. And anyway, I like writing way too much to put it aside in favor of any other media…

So there you have it. I’ve been waiting WEEKS to figure out what to use my blog for. I knew I wanted to write, but I didn’t know WHAT to write.

What to share. What to give. How to give of myself.

But now I know.

So here’s your first gift. It’s something that came to me several years ago while in the audience of a large marketing event, and it goes something like this:

At one point in your life, for some longer than others, there was a time when someone loved you unconditionally. It might have been the moment you came out to the world (the moment you were born). In the worst situations, it could have been a split-second of clarity your mother had as she was carrying you in-utero…

And for that one moment, whether it lasted a second or a lifetime…

Someone loved you unconditionally.

And that love is still out there.

No matter what happened after. No matter what mistakes were made (by you or by your caretakers).

It was there, and still is.

YOU are loved unconditionally.

And now, you have the opportunity to grab on to that unconditional love, and do with it what you wish.

So…how does being loved unconditionally make you feel today? Leave your comment below…

P.S. – THIS is the program that taught me to love myself, and others, unconditionally. Start by eliminating a belief for free.

Starting Over (If You Had to Start from Scratch)

In my 10 years online, a question I’ve often asked – first of others, and later of myself is:

“If you had to start all over again…how would you do it?”

It’s a question that assumes a few things.

First, that you are starting with nothing. From “scratch.” With a blank slate.

And second, that the person you’re asking actually has an answer that could do anything beneficial for you.

The truth is that neither of these assumptions has any veracity.

Let’s start with the first assumption – that you’re starting with nothing. Unless you were born yesterday, you have life experience.

It might not be exactly related to what you want to be doing, but it is experience that will color anything and everything you do from now on. It’s your belief system through which you see everything like no one else does.

Which means that you are uniquely qualified to be YOU, doing what you’re doing the way you’re doing it.

No one else has that capability.

And that brings us to the next false assumption – that the person you’re asking actually has a useful answer for you.

Sure, they might have advice, know who to contact, or maybe have a few helpful suggestions…but the fact is that the way YOU do something will never equal how someone else does it (even if you copy them step by step).


How does a person “start from scratch” successfully – meaning, start from where they are, and actually reach their goal?

May as well turn to my personal experience in marketing for the answer.

Specifically? A/B split testing.

In marketing, A/B split testing means doing two things with the same purpose, and tracking results to see which works. If ‘A’ works, for instance, you test it against a new version, ‘C’, and keep going until you improve your results.

I once wrote about this idea of being consistent. Stick with me here, because it’s totally related to A/B split testing your life into success.

Consistency is how I reach all my goals (well, the ones I achieve, anyway).

And consistency is simple. Do one thing every day that brings you towards your goal.

And the reason it works is NOT that you pick the right thing to do every day (although that’s useful). The reason it works is that you’re creating an experience that moves you in some direction and gives you feedback.

So here’s the background story:

After I had my son 6 years ago (well, six years ago as I write this, anyway – no telling when you’re reading it), I really wanted to lose weight. Not because I wanted to weigh less, but because I wanted 6-pack abs.

But no matter what I did, the weight didn’t come off.

Until I decided to be really consistent.

I weighed myself every single morning and tracked it (wrote it down). I started tracking everything I ate. I worked out and tracked what I did as well.


After months of this, nothing really changed for me weight-wise (or 6-pack wise).

Then, something DID happen. I went to see an allergist, and in order to get the testing I needed, I had to get off my allergy meds for a few days.

I suffered through sneezes and extreme itchiness for 3 days…and then had to go another 4 days without the medicine because I needed more testing and there was a weekend in-between.

And because I was tracking…I suddenly realized that, despite not having changed anything about my food intake, water intake or workout schedule, weight was coming off every morning.

BINGO! I thought at the time. I’d unknowingly split-tested taking allergy meds vs. not taking them…and how it affected my weight. As it turned out, the allergy meds were keeping me from losing weight (Zyrtec, in case you’re wondering. I’ve since switched to Claritin).

I told my wife about my theory and she thought I was crazy. Then, the following week, a doctor she was seeing told her she gives Zyrtec to patients who need to gain weight. Case closed.

All that to say…I might have been doing the right things (things a relatively in-the-know person would do if they wanted to lose weight), but they weren’t working. Not until I fixed the one major, underlying issue. I was doing something else that was keeping me from reaching my goals.

Sabotage by Zyrtec.

(In case you’re wondering, still no 6-pack abs, but I have dropped around 30 lbs since).

And inside that story are several lessons.

Lesson 1: being consistent and tracking your consistent actions might seem pointless at first, but when something small shifts and things change, you’re able to catch them and use them to your advantage.

Had I not been tracking, I’d probably still be taking Zyrtec every day and still wondering why the heck I wasn’t losing any weight.

Lesson 2: because of your different life experiences, no one else can give you the exact success formula you need to reach your goals.

Let’s imagine I was working with a nutritionist…and that nutritionist told me everything she did to lose weight, along with every single thing that worked for 10 other clients. And let’s imagine I did all those things, exactly as I heard them.

But because I kept doing one small thing differently (taking a tiny little allergy pill), I’d have never succeeded.

Those little things you do that sabotage your success aren’t necessarily a pill. They could be the way you say something on a sales call. The way you react. Or something small you don’t do that’s so second-nature to your teacher or coach (or well-meaning friend) that they don’t know to tell you.

Lesson 3: there’s no such thing as “starting from scratch.” If you want to achieve a goal, pick an activity you can do – and track every single day, and start doing it (and tracking it) every single day.

Which by the way is why I wrote this blog post. I’ve decided to (finally) start towards a goal of mine I’ve put on hold for a year.

But more on that next time.

For now, I’ll leave you with this:

This is the program that taught me how to reach my goals.

And this is the program that taught me how to get out of my own fucking way. 

Liane 🙂